i cry!

every night i find it's so hard to sleep

cause i keep thinking of you

and these feelings run deep

oh baby i try to hide

all these feelings for you

i keep them bottle inside

i don't know what else to do

so I cry but nobody hears me

i cry,it's my only solution

i cry,to all this confusion

i cry, with all of my heart

i cry…

sometimes i wonder

in the blink of my eye

would you be willing to love me

would you give it a try

i don't know how else to show you

that our love could be real

i'd be eternally faithfull

forever i'd feel

no one can tell me that i may be wrong

'cause i know in my heart

this feeling's still burning strong

can't get you out of my head

can't get you out of my heart

can't get you out of my life

no matter if we're apart and nobody hears me

More and more...complicated

Actually ,I am not going to update my blog today.It really seems it is not a blog but rather a diary.Whenever i have something to say i will write down here.
I am happy there is someone likes me so much.A few days ago , we are just strangers.I didn't know him,of course he didn't know me.Our first meet began with a stupid conversation.But however stupid the conversation is ,we still met.After a few words he said he was bored and wanted to try something new.Oh...he wanted to voice with me.Hehe...only if he could understand me ,i didn't mind chatting with him on voice.He is really a kind and nice man.And it's been about 26 days since we first me.I do really like him ,and want him to be happy everyday.Today he asked me how long would our relationship last?Long or short?I answered him it would be a short relationship.It didn't mean i wanted a short relationship cause the distance is big problem ...but i did really hurt him.We both know that ,however, i am always the one to reveal the truth.Disappointed ,upset,despressed...it's complicated.He is always emotional now,so am i .Stupid Patrick hurt his knee a few days ago,cause he ran too hard.I didn't know a lot about his knee, and i supposed it was not serious but it is getting worst now.How can he treat himself like this?I worry about him much,cause he doesn't take care of himself .He is so stupid,since he always stays up for me.Doesn't he know it's bad for eyes?
I am sure he knows but he still wants to stay up for me.He needs get up at 6am and he sacrifice his sleeptime to talk to me.He likes to hear my voice ,talk to me ,and the way i act.I would love to do the things he wants me to satisfy him.I don't know if i am too stupid ,so he still thinks i don't love him as much as he loves me.Tonight he went to bed so late,it's about 3am.Then he told me he couldn't fall asleep ,when he looked at my picture his eyes got watery.I was very upset and moved when i got a email like this from him .Tomorrow ,go to bed earlier ok?Because my eyes are watery too.You told me you wouldn't make me cry anymore,well...i have to tell you...you break your promise again!
OK....i need to have my dinner now...Love you ...

Boring day!!!

Hungry hungry hungry...It's all Patrick's fault.After talking with him ,i felt hungry because of his eating voice.And the worst thing is that stupid Patrick teased me,he knew i was hungry.Bad guy!!!

I supposed he was mad last night,actually he didn't.He told me he was just tired.But it really made me didn't sleep well.So this morning i woke early to ,and e-mailed him.He responded me quickly,i was very happy.But i was still sleepy the whole day.And then i turned on the computer,you know that i was not allowed to use the computer,well ,i couldn't help.Because i had to do my homework.Haha...i did have an excuse to use computer today.Sometime people can't help to do many things,so i don't want to use computer as well.You know that right?

Patrick and i met at April the 16Th,but began with the third day i was always emotional.I can't be like that frequently ,so i need to control myself.However ,it's not that easy.Today Patrick asked me how i felt about him.I told him i don't love him as much as he loves me.But i can't love someone strongly at the beginning ,and i will love him more and more.I hope someday when i love him as much as he loves me,he will still love me as what he did.In fact i don't have confidence on him,maybe i don't have confidence on myself.That's why he can't trust me.I am lazy and too lazy to love one.But now i fall in love with him ,it's hard for me to love someone if there is someone in my heart.Only if i don't love him anymore.He is also inflictive.I asked him that should i go out if someone asked me for a date.He said yes...So stupid...

And then i went out to buy red jujube,i showed Patrick before.After that i went to running,you guessed how long have i ran?half an hour?No,five minutes.Is it too long?Yes ,i think so too.My legs told me it was enough,so i should listen to my legs.I am not stubborn and i am very glad to accept other's opinion.Everyone knows that i am too good to refuse others.

OK,i am really hungry now,so stop here now.Boring day,stupid Patrick is sleeping now.I don't want to tell him i love him...

Bad day!

I don't have mood to update my blog today cause stupid Patrick asked me to send him picture but i refused.I am sure he's mad right now but i don't want him to since it makes me upset.Does he remember i am still sick?I cant be angry and sad ,you know it's bad for my hepatitis.

This morning i woke up at 7:30am then i signed on my qq.After twenty minutes i saw Patrick was on,but his first hi is not for me.Who?You ask me who he said to?That's someone in the chat room,maybe Anne or Zoe.I don't know why i am so mean now,whatever,i don't like that.OK and then he told me he had fixed his video and asked me to watch that Korean music video.So i need to pretend that i didn't awake and watch that video by stealth.That video is really sad ,what's more, it made me cry."Although i say i hate you now,I'll be missing you."It seems like my words ."Although i cant be with her now,i am still in love her."That's Patrick's.Every time Patrick told me he was sad and i asked him why.He always said because I'm there.There is a stupid ocean between he and me.Everything can be fixed but the distance.

I need to take my breakfast after i finished watching that video.And my mom asked me to cook rice noodle myself .That's OK.Rice noodle is still good but she wanted me to cooked on her way and we argued with the way of cooking.Oh my god......when could i take my breakfast,i was hungry.At that time my stomach was objecting,it asked me to give in.Whatever only if my stomach could accept it.

But i ate too much, i was full.So i went out to walk for digestion.But Patrick was happy cause he likes me to be chubby.And now i am heavier now...51kg...This is the garden i walked around. After that i was waiting for a chance to voice with Patrick.I am have a talent to be a thief and so does Patrick.Hehe......He hided in the toilet to voice with me.I know he loves me so much and now he doesn't believe that i love him.The end of our voice was not good......He ended the voice chat with a mad voice.Originally, i want to go running tonight.But i don't have mood now.
Should I say i love you?Because you don't believe me anymore.

Hospital!!!

I am not allowed to be online for it is bad for my health.What?You ask me why i can update my blog?Because i told my mom i need to go to sleep and i am updating it by stealth now...i lied to my mom...Ok i must admit i am a bad girl ...But why am i getting to be a bad girl,you must know that.
This picture is what i wore last night.You always ask me what am i wearing and to take pictures for you now i am getting used to it.

And the sea is i always go to .I was sitting there and thinking nothing.I don't know how long i sat there...maybe one hour maybe two since it was comfortable and i almost fell asleep, so i didn't left till i felt cold.
This morning my friend asked me to see a herbalist doctor.Ok never mind if she wanted me to i would go with her because she wants me to be better.This is her aunt's workplace and then i knew she is not a doctor yet.Ok...i don't care much.She said i am too thin and i should eat much to get fatter.Oh my god...i think you will be happy when you hear somebody asked me to eat more.Then she asked to do something but i don't how to tell you. It can irritate the acupuncture points of your body.En...It's a kind of treatment in China.Hard to tell i can't even explain in Chinese.

When i was home at noon, my mom not allowed me to talked stayed in front of the computer and i was screaming at her.Patrick ...i regret now...My mom wants me to be fine and i did that to her.I am so stupid.Bad girl...Stop thinking about that ,i don't have time now.

This is the bus station i was waiting for a bus today.Not many people there cause today is not weekend.I can have a seat to sit.I always go to hospital myself ,so don't worry about me.

Then i went to the hospital to see my doctor,because i get worse now .He told me i should live in the hospital originally but there is no bed for me.So he asked me to take some Medici first if the medince can't make be better maybe i need to take injections.Oh... i hate it. I should finish it quickly cause my brother is coming home soon.But the last i want to tell you is...you know it so it don't have to say it ,right? Haha......I am mean......

Breakfast

Breakfast time .Who can tell me what i should eat this morning. I am tired of rice noodle ,pouridge,and chinese bread.I hate to think what i should eat .So.....Patrick......make breakfast for me.mhmm...Good idea!I make blog for you and you make breakfast for me.hah...What?You dont want?Oh....You are mean.Never mind never mind.Papa is always a bad guy.Ok buy my breakfast myself and then send a boom to Papa's house for revenge.

But not taste as good as i thought!!!!I was cheated by the salesgirl..........i want to cry again.......

Night!!!!

I asked patrick to go to sleep yet but he still called me again.it was almost 2:00am.it is not weekend he can't stay up late or tommorrow he will get up late.Today he didnt eat anything for his breakfast and lunch.He shouldn't do that again.He'd better tell me he has had his breakfast tomorrow morning or i am sure ill be mad.But i am a nice girl i will still do the thing he wants me to.

See the picture?There are so many people dancing by the sea side every night except the raining days.Haha maybe i can join them next time only if Patrick would like to dance with me....